Urobuchi on Crack
by Timmy Sparx
Summary: Imagine Gen Urobuchi high... tell you what, don't imagine it, just read this. [OOC warning]
1. Interview

**A/N: Please, I beg of you, DO NOT HATE ME FOR THIS!**

**Disclaimer: Puella Magi Madoka Magica, Fate/Zero, Saya No Uta, Psycho Pass, Kamen Rider, and all other works by Gen Urobuchi are property of Gen Urobuchi.**

**Warnings: Imagine Gen Urobuchi taking crack, and then doing his own talk show. Then ad characters from Madoka Magica, and you have this little what-the-fuck-am-I-reading thingy.**

**Pairings: This thing is only here to waste space…**

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Next up on anime with the Butcher.

INCUBATORS HATE HER!

A fourteen year old girl becomes a goddess with this one weird trick.

"LADIES and gentlemen, welcome, tonight we are joined by special guest Madoka Kaname."

A blinding light appeared in the centre of the studio lounge, and a girl wearing a long flowing robe of white, with pink hair that reached her waits, materialised floating above one of the couches, and promptly sat down neatly, and crossed her legs.

"Welcome Madoka, it's great to have you here, I'm sure we can all say that we're honoured to have you here in our studio."

"Thank you Gen, it's great to be here." Madoka beamed around at all of the dumbstruck fans in the audience. "And thank all of you for being here tonight. You guys are the reason I do what I do."

"Now, Madoka." Gen straightened his pile of notes. "There is a question I'm sure everyone is dying to hear answered. How did you become the deity you are today. After all." Urobuchi looked around at the audience for effect. "I'm sure you didn't get to where you are today without a lot of hard work, and suffering."

"Well Gen, it' a really long story. At first I was kind of apprehensive, like when I was first approached by the Incubator Kyubey, I was really scared, and I didn't really want to take the risk. But that passed, like all things do."

"And were there any people in your life helping you? Guiding you? Making sure you didn't lose yourself?"

"Well, actually there were lots of people there for me. Mama and Papa were big influences. They were so helpful, and I think that my whole family is the reason I made the right decision. Of course." Madoka sighed. "We lost people along the way. Mami-san, and Sayaka-chan, and Kyouko-chan. They were really great, and they helped so much. I'm not sure I would've made it without them backing me up." Madoka smiled. "When I finally found the courage to make the contract, I made the wish that I know all of the people I loved would've been proud of. And that's how this whole world came about."

"That's touching. Really, truly touching. Now, another question. The rumoured relationship between you and, a Miss Homura Akemi. I'm sure the whole fan base is dying to know, is there any substance to these rumours."

Madoka blushed. "Well, Homura-chan has been an especially important person to me from the very beginning. She saved me so many times, and I think that if she hadn't, I might not be standing here today."

"So, am I to assume that the rumours are just that? Rumours."

Madoka's blush deepened. "Well… not entirely."

"Ohoh." Gen leaned forward, as did the entire viewing world in sync. "Do tell."

"Well… Homura-chan and me… we're engaged."

If there had been a microphone in every house at that moment, the soundwave reverberating across the entire world would have been almost enough to shake it to pieces. There were mixed cries of "YES!" "I KNEW IT!" THEY ARE SO PERFECT TOGETHER!" AND "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" coming from every home.

Gen leaned back feigning shock for the camera. "Well, this certainly is a stunning turn of events. When is the wedding scheduled for?"

"Well, we planned it for next spring, when the sakura trees bloom."

"A Spring wedding. Tasteful."

"And… well. That's not all."

"Oh please dear goddess, do tell. I don't think there is any way you could surprise us further."

Madoka was almost ready to hide her hands with embarrassment. "Well… Homura-chan… she's pregnant."

The collective noise coming from the buildings and houses of planet earth was enough to cause the electricity to short out in twelve major countries, and over twenty minor ones.

Even the noise in the studio was, to say the very least, deafening. Urobuchi was even covering his ears to block out the unreal noise of screaming. Madoka had put on pink fluffy earmuffs, and was sitting there, still blushing, watching the crazed fans screaming congratulations at her. She had no idea what any of them were saying, so she simply smiled and waved.

After about fifteen minutes, when the noise had subsided, Urobuchi resumed the show.

"Well, that was certainly a bombshell for the ages. But if you don't mind me asking, how does that work?"

Madoka tapped her nose, and giggled. "Goddess' secret Gen, although I will tell you that it'll be an autumn baby." Of course, Madoka was completely oblivious to the fact that thousands of crazed hentai artists were already working on their next doujin, all of them featuring just about the same thing.

"Isn't that lovely?" Unfortunately, Urobuchi wasn't quite as clueless as Madoka. But he did his best to cover it up with a smile. "And on that note, we're out of time for this week." The world gave a collective groan. "Madoka, the world thanks you for appearing tonight, you've been a wonderful guest, and I think we've kept you away from you lovely fiancée long enough."

"Thank you Gen, it's been a pleasure being here." Madoka floated up off the couch, and disappeared with a second flash of blinding light.

Urobuchi turned back to the cameras, and put on his most sadistically evil grin. "Tune in next time when we'll be talking to expert Enforcer, Kogami Shinya, about the proper handling of a dominator."

* * *

**A/N: Okay, let's face it. We all know what any self-respecting hentai artist would make out of that news. R&R as always.**


	2. Bingo

**A/N: This fanfic does not deserve to be here. It's so unfortunate that I cannot stop myself writing it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gen Urobuchi, or the concept of the game Bingo.**

**Warnings: Profanity,crack OD, all that other sort of stuff.**

**Pairings: This is Bingo, who needs romance?**

* * *

"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Butcher Bingo. Has everyone got their cards?"

There were a few affirming murmurs, but no real reaction.

"Brilliant! Now without further ado, let us begin!"

"My god this is boring. Why are we even here?"

"Shut it Shinya," his partner snapped, "Everyone agreed it was my turn to pick the activity."

"He's right you know," agreed the adorable girl sitting beside them both.

"Who the hell are you?"

"Oh, me," the girl blushed, "I'm Madoka Kaname, sorry."

"And how did you know that it was his turn to pick the activity?"

"I heard you all arguing outside the building."

"QUIET!" Roared the announcer, "We are all waiting to begin."

When the last of the noise had died down, the announcer started to call out the items on the tiles.

"**Suits."**

"Hah, yeah… They're not talking about me are they?"

"**Dystopian."**

"You see," said Shinya, "I told you that was what it's called."

"**Madness."**

"Madness, where?" The blue haired girl in the third row was sitting up to attention. "Don't look at me, I'm not a mad person."

"**Explosives."**

"Hey, has anyone seen Homura-chan today," said Madoka, frowning concernedly.

"**Faustian Bargains."**

"Hey, has anybody else actually read Faust."

"Me," said a man sitting three chairs back from him.

"I've researched the topic, but only to understand why humans call me the devil," said the white cat sitting to his left.

"**Lesbians."**

The door bust open, and a girl with long black hair done up into braids walked in. Her red glasses were askew, and her clothes were soaked.

"Sorry I'm late, got caught in the rain."

"Oh you poor thing," Madoka stood up, and walked over to the girl, giving her a hug. "Come on, let's go get you dried up."

"Wah, no it's really not a problem."

"No, we must. I can't let you sit around like this. You'll catch a cold."

The two departed for the bathroom.

The announcer was looking more than a little pissed off. **"Severed heads."**

The blonde who had fallen asleep in the third row, suddenly sat bolt-upright and looked around.

"**Gunservice."**

A few people moved around and whispered indistinct things to eachother.

"Literary references."

Scribbling could be hear coming from the back of the room.

"Who's that writing," queried Shinya.

"**Lolis."**

A girl with flowers in her hair looked up from her card. "Somebody called."

"Nobody needed to know," said the redhead in front of her.

"**Early Deaths."**

The Blonde sat up abruptly once again.

"Christ, stop acting like you're going to get your head bitten off," Shinya muttered.

"**Innocent MC."**

"So where's the cutie tonight." quizzed the ginger sitting beside Shinya's partner.

"She said she needed an early night. I guess the workload is finally starting to get to her."

"**Utilitarianism."**

"-and that is the reason why we Incubators do what we do."

"So you're all just trying to preserve the universe."

"Yes."

"I agree with your ideals, but not with your methods."

"Yes, that seems to be the case with most humans. Personally I don't get it."

"**Eldritch Abominations."**

"I mean, turning those poor girls into creatures comprised of despair and negative emotions, all for the purpose of postponing the natural order of the universe. It just doesn't seem right."

"We Incubators have very different ideas of what constitutes as 'right.'"

"Clearly…"

"**Dark twists."**

"So, how's the family." Asked the ginger to the redhead.

"All dead," replied the redhead.

"Oh god I'm so sorry."

"**Anti-villains."**

"Is he talking about me?" Shinya grinned.

"No," his partner replied, "He's talking about Makishima."

"Oh come the fuck on! He's an anti-villain."

"You're an anti-hero."

"Pfft, big deal. There's anti-heros everywhere these days."

"**Betrayal."**

"Hey, do you remember that one time when we saw that guy get killed by his best friend?"

"When was this?"

"You know, in that anime."

"You need to stop watching that stuff."

"You watch it."

"Only when forced."

"Oh come on, you must admit to liking some of it."

"**Corruption."**

"I admit that the art style is appealing, but other than that, no. I can't stand it."

"Asshole."

"**Rape."**

"Has anybody else noticed that the things on this list are getting progressively darker as we go along?"

"**Martial Arts."**

"You know what, forget I said anything."

"**Hamartia."**

"You know, if you keep obsessing over that violin kid, you're gonna end up a witch."

"Shut it, you don't know shit."

"Don't take that tone with me, I'm trying to help."

"**Suffering."**

"You know, I think we all deserve a break. We suffer enough in the name of this guy.."

"**No Happy endings."**

"Hey, have you seen the trailer for the new Godzilla movie?"

The announcer stood up, and pulled out a gun. "Fuck this, I'm out." He put the gun to his head, and pulled the trigger.

Shinya grimaced. "What a mess that'll be to clean up."

"Why didn't you try and stop him?"

"I'm off duty."

"You're never off duty. We just don't happen to be on a mission right at this moment."

The girl with blue hair in the front row suddenly raised her head. "Hey, wasn't Madoka in here a few minutes ago?"

"She went to the bathroom with that Homura girl to help her get changed."

"That glasses wearing creep! If she touches my Madoka, I'm gonna." Her oncoming rant was halted by Kyouko, who pulled her into a headlock, and dragged her out of the bingo hall.

Shinya grinned, and then turned back to his partner. "So, Masaoka. Did anybody actually get Bingo?"

Masaoka grimaced. "I had all of the ones he said. But he only said nineteen. There are twenty on the card."

"What didn't he say?"

"Backstry episode. And it was looking pretty promising too."

"Ah well, I guess we should start heading home."

"Agreed."

Slowly, the people in the bingo hall started to file out. And then, several hours later, Madoka and Homura both emerged from the bathroom. Homura's face was extremely red, and both of their clothing was ruffled.

"I'm sorry Homura-chan. I didn't mean to lose control. I just couldn't help myself."

"I-it's okay."

Madoka looked around. "Where did everyone go."

"I think it's over."

Realisation dawned on Madoka, and then suddenly she looked frantic.

"Oh no, I promised Mom I'd go straight home after bingo."

"It's okay Madoka, you can just stay at my house tonight. We'll tell her it ran a lot later than we thought."

"Y-yeah. We'll do that… and." Madoka leaned in and whispered something in Homura's ear. Homura blushed, and Madoka giggled, and led her out into the night.

Exactly what was said in those last few moments remains a mystery, but many people have speculated that it went something like this.

"And maybe we can go another round later on, if you catch my drift."

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**A/N: If any of you take this even remotely seriously, I'll point and laugh at you, because really, this is not to be taken seriously… although, Gen Urobuchi does do a lot of the stuff mentioned above. **


End file.
